Tourists, man

Tour Guide

Mission Details:

Yosei was meditating deeply on the roof of his apartment building as the dark grey clouds of night were illuminated into the light grey clouds of morning by a veiled Sun. The light drizzle of rain pitter pattered atop his umbrella, lightly misting his face, and all was well. He felt more at peace than he had in days. His recent twenty three hour long stillness meditation training used to advance towards learning Sage Mode had gone a long way to giving him some piece of mind which was sorely needed in the midst of some emotionally harrowing training of late. He felt ready to take on another mission - hopefully something nice and quiet, like tracking, or maybe a good soothing assassination. He jumped off the side of the building and alighted gracefully upon the railing of his balcony, stepped down and opened the glass door into his diminutive studio apartment. He put on his recently acquired ANBU armour over his chest, arms and shins, then pulled his full-length striped pink fingerless gloves on under the arm guards and his decorative blue kimono with long sleeves and mock peacock tail over the whole ensemble. For his mask today he chose one of his preferred Ayakashi masks. With all that done, he strode over to the Genin office near the Mizukage's headquarters to try to pick up a mission.

"Th-there must be something better?" Yosei stammered in disbelief.
"Sorry kid, that's what we have for you. We needed someone and you were the first to come in today."
Yosei couldn't believe his eyes. Tour guide? An entire day of social interaction? That was just what he needed, an experience so frustrating and stressful that it would undo all of the zen energy he had spent so long gathering in himself.
The briefing document he read told him that a party of fourteen tourists from the Fire Country, a vassaldom of Yosei's home country, was to arrive at ten am outside the Mizukage's office. The document stressed that he was supposed to make every effort to present Kirigakure no Sato as an affluent and powerful state without any socio-economic issues. So on top of babysitting for a bunch of ignorant tourists, it looked like he would have to be a propagandist for the day. It wasn't that Yosei was some kind of dissident who didn't like his own country, but he didn't have very much love for it either, and some days in Kirigakure it would be hard to make it look good.
Yosei sweated, trying to think of things to say to the group when they arrived until he only had about fifteen minutes left. Thinking fast, he got an idea that was just far fetched enough to work. He opened one of his blade egded hand fans and cut his thumb with it, then drew a line of blood across the fan and performed the summoning jutsu.
A silvery white peacock appeared, only big enough to reach about as high as Yosei's hip, with a spectacular green and purple train of feathers sprawled out behind him. The bird appeared in an elegant pose as if modelling for a magazine. He had an inkpot in a bag strapped to one leg, and a calligraphy brush clutched in his beak. Knowing who he was dealing with, Yosei immediately dropped to one knee and bowed before the short little summon.
"Lord Zeami, most illustrious of the peafowl, wisest of wordsmiths and originator of the dramatic arts, it is a profound honour to prostrate myself before you; As a ninja and son of the Hisori Clan, I humbly call upon my contract with your kind to beg your aid in matters of a Shinobi."
Opening one of his closed eyes, Zeami appraised the garishly dressed young man before him.
"Ahhhh, it's been far too long since I have been summoned for such business! I am pleased to see that the tradition of appropriate formality has not been discarded by the unsophisticated, brattish scions of my pet clan. What's this business then, eh? Am I to be made general of an invading force? Ought I don my vestments of battle?"
"Ah well, you see..." Yosei began awkwardly. "No, sir. I am only a shinobi of low rank and I require aid in a rather menial task."
"Menial, ehhh?" Zeami remarked, cocking an eyebrow. "I see. If I am not to bend a nation to my will, what is required of me? Must a kage be struck down? Shall I compose a new epic to inspire future generations? Is there a statue being made? I am prepared to pose if necessary, boy. Out with it!"
Immediately regretting his decision, Yosei winced before telling the truth.
"It is ah, of vital importance sir that we impress a tour group visiting Kirigakure. We're in Kirigakure, I should mention."
"I know where we are fool, I am no stranger to this land. A tour group, ehhh? Ah, what an unfortunate waste of my talent. Still, it was wise to call on me. Diplomats and dignitaries from foreign lands must have the majesty of their superior cousins imposed upon them with utmost art and subtlety isn't that right?"
"Well, they aren't exactly dignit- Never mind that. You are correct sir, most astute of you to say so. The only problem is that, well, I don't feel up to the task. It's my job to keep them entertained and show them a thriving village, but I tend to be pretty bad when it comes to social interaction. I don't know if -"
"Ehhh? You're supposed to be the tour guide? I have been summoned as a mere life coach then? Outrageous! Nonetheless boy, your problem seems an easy one to resolve. You are a Hisori are you not?"
You know, Yosei thought, You're supposed to do whatever I ask, per the contract terms...
"Well," Zeami continued breathlessly, "If you're a Hisori you'll know what to do. It doesn't matter if you're no good with people, become someone who is! You're a family full of actors, aren't you? Or have you Hisori fools forgotten all that I taught you?"
Perhaps there was something to that, actually. All of Yosei's anxieties and misgivings did tend to evaporate whenever he disappeared into a role. He could construct a personality, and then that personality could lead the tour group instead of Yosei.
"The only problem sir, is that I'm used to dealing with scripts. I'm a Noh actor, so I have rarely ever improvised..."
"Ah!" Zeami squawked. "Finally, a calling I am happy to answer. BEHOLD!"
With a dramatic fluttering of his wings, Zeami flapped up to Yosei's back and gripped onto his belt tightly. His train extended into it's full display, creating the illusion to any onlookers that Yosei had his own peacock tail. Zeami's slender neck wrapped around Yosei's left shoulder so that he could whisper in the Genin's ear.
"I shall feed you lines like this. All you have to do is disguise yourself as a bog-standard ninja and hide me under your transformation jutsu. Understand?"

In response, Yosei performed the hand signs necessary for the transformation Jutsu and became a generic individual with short brown hair, a cheeky grin, plain clothes and some scratches on his face.
"What's this? You like this appearance?" Zeami squawked.
"It's sort of a normcore pastiche of the typical happy go lucky Genin protagonist." Yosei responded neutrally. While this was true, his chosen disguise also bore a striking resemblance to his late squadmate, Hanataro.

"Um, hello," Came a nasal voice. "We're here for the 10am tour group?"
Turning, Yosei saw a very tall man wearing business casual attire, with dark rimmed glasses pushed high on his nose, face distorted in a mildly irritated frown. Behind him was a huddled group of what looked like mostly middle aged tourists, a smattering of children restlessly standing in the middle of the crowd. The adults all looked either put-upon or miserable, hiding from the rain in ponchos or under umbrellas, half of them with their noses buried in maps, guide books or itineraries retrieved from hopelessly unflattering fanny packs. Yosei took a deep breath and began.

“Hey there gang! My name is Hanataro Tanaba! I’m Kirigakure’s resident Expert on all things fun-tacular! Hope you guys all brought your positive mental attitudes, because we’re gonna have an unforgettable time! If you don’t, worry not, because I’m absolutely positive things are gonna get mental and as you can tell, I’ve got enough attitude for all of us! Who’s with me!”

The tour group blinked in unison. An older woman shifted uncomfortably and one of the kids started crying.
“Ease back! You’re losing them!” Zeami hissed into Yosei’s ear.

“Uhhhh. I’m Tano Kisuke,” The man at the front said. “I’m an actuarial statistician from konohagakure.”

“They aren’t dignitaries!” Zeami said, but Yosei hushed him with a wave of his hand.

“Excuse me young man,” One of the tourists, a tired-looking mother said. “Do we all need to give our names and occupations now, or -”

“No, I don’t think that will be necess- I mean, No way dudes! Follow me to our first destination!”

The tour began, and not all too successfully. The group all seemed to have their own ideas of where they should go first and what attractions they should visit, ruthlessly ignoring Yosei’s advice. The falsely cheerful demeanour became harder and harder to maintain as this went on. No, we can’t visit Xyxer Gyojin’s office hoping to see him as he’s been dead for some time now. Sorry, that island is off limits right now due to wendigos - or was it genetically engineered monkeys? Yes, there are nice views of the storm circle from the park. No, I can’t reveal the identity of the current Mizukage. Even with Zeami guiding him in secret, things got dicey.

“Excuse me, young man!” Came that nasal voice again. “My map says we can get to the park faster if we cut through the tenement district! If we go that way we can see the birthplace of the deputy chief of staff to the Daimyo!”

Yosei, as Hanataro, rubbed the bridge of his nose with stifled frustration.

“Sir, I think we should stick to the planned route. That is, uh - No way dude! That part of town is hella lame! The good stuff is -”

“I’m sorry young man but I paid good money for this trip and if you short change us on the tour I’m going to have to make note of it in my official review to the office -”

Reluctantly, Yosei acquiesced to the man’s wishes, ignoring Zeami’s whispered imperative to slay him where he stood for threatening a Kiri shinobi on sovereign land. The problem was that the tenement district was particularly nasty. Just two weeks ago he had stopped a notorious thief in the area. As he turned the corner to the street with all the dilapidated flats in full view, he knew he’d have to act quick. He quickly utilized the false surroundings jutsu to disguise the area, making it look gleaming and new. To his pleasant surprise, the group members oohed and aahed at the pleasantness of the neighbourhood and it’s gleaming, unbroken windows and renovated buildings.

On instinct, Yosei began using his Genjutsu more, creating false images of interesting buildings and coming up with elaborate backstories for them. The kids were still a problem, noisily interrupting him at every chance they got. Fortunately, he had a solution for that too.

“Young man?” Came the woman’s voice. “My children are chasing these butterflies around - they’re not dangerous, are they?”

“Oh, those are the Prism-Winged Monarchs, one of the prized indigenous insects of the Island country. Their presence here is a sign of good fortune and prosperity! Your children are very lucky!”

The group ate that nonsense up, and were more than happy to herd along their mildly dazed children, eyes glazed over as they watched the butterflies in amazement. As the time for the group to end drew nearer, a final bright idea struck Yosei.

“Ladies and gents, if you don’t mind, one short detour to show you something truly special! A unique sight in Kirigakure, the world-famous Hisori theatre!”

In front of his family’s worn-down theatre, the tour group huddled together and murmured with mild confusion as they took a few uninspired pictures.

“What’s so special about it?” The man at the head of the group asked. “Looks like it’s falling apart to me.” A few of the others murmured their agreement.

“Of course it does you philisti-fuh, friend. My friend. It’s very old - a historical landmark. The Hisori clan has been in the theatre business for more than ten generations. This theatre has been preserved this way since its beginnings. Only truly discerning patrons can appreciate it.”

That got some interest out of the crowd. Yosei’s slightly embellished description had them all scrambling to prove that they were the most cultured one. He even heard some of them discuss the possibility of going back there for an after dinner show.

“I’m sure they’d be happy to give you all a discount! I’m pretty good friends with a member of the Hisori clan. Tell them Yosei sent ya!”

“Well, well,” Zeami chuckled. “Suddenly he’s a salesman.”

Yosei smiled. He led the group back to the starting point, where they pressed some Ryo into his hand as a tip for doing a good job. It looked like he had adequately fooled them. He dropped by the theatre last night to watch the elated faces of his parents as they welcomed thirteen surprise guests on a usually sparse weekday night. He dropped the tip he’d gotten into the donation box and waved at his mom. The twinkle of tears in her eyes gave him all the reward he needed. He’d still be accepting the official mission reward though.

Zeami was waiting for him outside the Theatre when the show ended. He’d insisted on waiting to see how the Hisori were doing with his chosen artform these days.

“Well, it wasn’t awful,” He said. “The Waki could use some extra rehearsal on his footwork.”
“You’re telling me,” Yosei said, well aware of the supporting actor’s failings. “Thanks for your help today.”
“Feh! Come on, boy. We both know who you should be thanking.”
Zeami winked, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Yosei looked up at the night sky, suddenly feeling more emotional than he had in some time.
“Thank you, Hanataro. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

WC: 2427

[Exit.]

[Claims:
Claiming 7 AP and 2,000 Ryo.
Using 656 words to complete Lord Zeami
Putting 1000 words to one mastery of Butterfly Effect and 771 to the second. Both masteries used to remove hand seals.]

Approved!