Naruto RPG
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Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
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Roast my short story pls

+3
Xyxer
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Balthazar
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Roast my short story pls Empty Roast my short story pls

Sun May 20, 2018 8:03 pm
I found a short story I wrote back when I was around 14. I decided to share it here. Anyone got feedback/constructive criticism? It's around 280 words.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vw8kMpSIcTTRNJaZfmRXDMtOg6sn5w-C50WOo6jHQ0w/edit?usp=sharing

(Note: the story covers potentially triggering themes. Don't read if you're sensitive about that kind of thing)
Hikari Hyuuga
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Ryo : 75700

Roast my short story pls Empty Re: Roast my short story pls

Mon May 21, 2018 1:06 pm
T^T

I liked it; it was short and to the point, while also hitting you right in the feels with that last line. 14 year old you knew your way with words <3
Xyxer
Xyxer
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Ryo : 352200

Roast my short story pls Empty Re: Roast my short story pls

Mon May 21, 2018 1:48 pm
It reads as if a 14 year old wrote it.
Shika Yabusame
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Roast my short story pls Empty Re: Roast my short story pls

Mon May 21, 2018 2:50 pm
Xyxer wrote:It reads as if a 14 year old wrote it.

Just like your topics, right? ;0
Asami Miyamoto
Asami Miyamoto
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Roast my short story pls Empty Re: Roast my short story pls

Mon May 21, 2018 3:10 pm
It's short.

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