- Ryo : 73000
Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:53 pm
This is my Venting Diary where i can say things and get them off my chest if you don't like what is said....i dont care.
Entry #1 Sunday 7:41pm
today was a long day as usual being pushed to do more then i needed to do. I just half the time dont know anymore,i enjoy helping people but have the time it feel the more i help the more i forget i'm in terrible shape. I try to help others to make my situation look like i have hope and a happy life. Half the time i think maybe i should of died when i was younger.....maybe wouldn't be in so much pain then....could of been with my mother..she always told me everything was alright.
I come home trying to talk to a girl i'm head over heels for to cheer me up but it seem half the time she to busy for me,she always have something to do...or is away sometimes i feel she talk to others then she will talk to me...it make me question why do i even try? why do i push so hard to try to be loved? i feel myself slowly losing any kinda of emotion which was obvious how i acted today towards innocent people'
I took my frustration my pain...my anger out on them for no reason at all they did nothing to me so why did i do such a thing? i dont know...my own-self....i snapped at people i thought ill never snap at guess enough stress can make any woman lose her mind...and do things she wouldn't...m life not as great as my mother wanted it to be.
Even though its not as great as i want it...just talking to her makes it better just hope..she one day understand my story and why i am how i am...or i will truly be alone...
End Of Entry One
- Ryo : 73000
Sun Mar 16, 2014 2:09 pm
Those Times When Its Difficult To Express Yourself,Cause For Once Your Afraid
Just so we're clear
there's a reason why your here
you are here so I can have
the greatest gift and I'm so glad
But just so you know
I want you to see
how much you truly mean to me
Let's see how should I start?
First, lets talk about the way you affected my heart
I can't think straight when you are near
For I am blinded with fear
The fear of you finding out
what I'm trying so hard to hide
my feelings for you,
are staying locked up on the inside
Sometimes you make me want to sing
sometimes you make me want to shout
all I know is
when you're around
I get butterflies
I wonder how you feel
if anything I'm feeling is real
or is this all a dream?
Please God, put me out of my misery
Because surely I must be dreaming
because, you are a dream
of perfection in every way
The way I feel about you,
I cannot even begin to say
Are roses always red?
And do violets have to be blue?
But the one true thing I know,
I Love You
not because of your looks
even though that's partly it
I love you for what's inside
and hopefully one day, you'll be all mine!
- Yuno YamanakaCitizen
- Ryo : 500
Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:21 am
Entry # 3
I look at my life as time passed by,thoughts running though my head i honestly say i feel cold at times. I'm always alone deep down unable to focus on what i thought was best for me,but i was Naive it came to be the worse possibly outcome this world could bring me. You would look at my life up to this point and ask how did i not lose my sanity. But slowly even after having such a horrific past i look at the future and see so much i wouldn't of seen if i chose to just end it all then, So i always think would i be here today if i let that breaking point take over me? Will i fall in love? Feel pain? Make such good friends. It always came down to me answering those questions but yet i still can't come up with a answer kinda messed up right?
As i live i meet people like me who come from similar past and i look forward towards the future,i fall in love with a girl who understands my pain my suffering. She neither pities me or neglects me,she is my perfect half,i look at her and think such pain and sorrow in one body yet she will gladly take my burden and carry it. What do you normally say to a person like this,my heart race..and my palm sweat. My words can't come out the smile she gives me is all i need to be reassured she'll be there,hopefully i can learn to open up and let her be the very support i need. I guess this is the phrase of love at first sight.....even though it took a while for me to realize it.
So people ask me would i change my life if i could? Answer will be no cause i wouldnt of met all these new people, i wouldn't of met her.....so i will not change anything i will endure the torment i went through just to be happy here and now,heh guess thats one question i can answer
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